On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
