im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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