I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
