wanna go halves on a baby?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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