What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
