More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
