That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
