you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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