if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
