we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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