exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
