That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I could make wine with my vomit
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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