You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
