You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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