Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You can't special order awesome
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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