She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
