I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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