chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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