don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
