Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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