yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This house was built for laser tag.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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