me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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