I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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