and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
