i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just pee around me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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