Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
