Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
