; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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