even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
