Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
