i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
