Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
