Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
