Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize