Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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