I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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