My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
