I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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