well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Randomize
