You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My vagina just clenched in fear
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
