i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
