I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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