i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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