I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
