The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
