New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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