I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
