u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
