Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize