every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
