Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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