I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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