I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
