38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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