I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
