you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
