Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
