think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
