I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
