Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
