Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
