I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
