wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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