Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
