lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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