I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found the puke drawer
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
