Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
