I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
