Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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