Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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