If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
