At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
