I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
