I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
