I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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