Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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