yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
