I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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