I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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