you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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