R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
