Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
