JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
