Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
