some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
