don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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