pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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