dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
