I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
