she woke up with a sticky ear
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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